Every Tuesday we’ll be posting an article about restoring and strengthening marriages that have been damaged by sexual sin. Hope it’s helpful.
Notes from the Doghouse: “Honey, It Really Wasn’t About You”
Dear Wife,I’m in the doghouse, where you’ve sent me, and I can’t really complain because I know it’s my own actions that put me here. I did some stupid, irresponsible things that brought me a little pleasure, followed by a lot of misery, like the sick feeling you get after you deliberately sin; the shame of knowing I’ve let everyone down; and, worst of all, the knowledge that your heart is broken because of me. So I’ll stay put in this cramped, lonely doghouse out back while you heal, and hopefully we’ll be able to renew, by God’s grace, our marriage and life together.
Lesson One: It Wasn’t An Accident
That’s hard to face, because I like to think of myself as a man who loves God, his wife and family so much that he’d never deliberately choose to endanger his relationship with them. But I did, in fact, make that choice, and there’s nothing real mysterious about it. Pleasure presented itself; I decided to go for it; and I blocked out the seriousness of what I was doing. No accident; no mystery. It was simple, childish rebellion.
Lesson Two: It Could (But Won’t) Happen Again
So will I. Once I discovered sexual sin, it’s like my brain recorded it for future reference. So when I’m lonely, or bored, or frustrated, or whatever, my brain will remind me of the activity that brought me temporary relief in the past. And who am I to say that I’ve come so far that I would never again say “yes” to that activity? That’s why I’m getting myself into a good accountability relationship, where I’ll know I’m being challenged once a week to give an account of how I’m handling temptation. Because left on my own, to my shame, I admit I will be inclined to repeat this ridiculous sin. And that’s a repetition I’m committed to avoiding.
Lesson Three: It Wasn’t About You