Treasured

father and child handsEvery Wednesday we’ll post something having to do with doctrine and purity. Hope it helps.

Treasured

“How precious also are Your thoughts to me, oh God” – Psalm 139:17

Before making this declaration of God’s precious thoughts towards him, David first described how God knew him inside out, noting “You know my downsitting and my uprising, You know my thoughts afar off, You are acquainted with all my ways.” (Psalm 139: 2-3) In short, You know me as fully as You love me; You love me as completely as You know me.

Majestic grace, overwhelming and sweeping, I’m blown away and then some. God knows every little detail about me, and with that full knowledge, His thoughts towards me are precious.

I’ve lived a good part of my life assuming I needed to choose between being known, or being loved. Never both; only one.  I could let someone know what I’m really like, but I’d lose their respect, friendship, and certainly their love, because, as the narrator of the Disney classic asked rhetorically, “Who could love a beast?” Or, I could let someone love me, but I’d better make darned sure they never get to really know me because, if they did, the love would make a hasty exit.

But David said God knows me thoroughly and, with that full knowledge, not only loves me, but even has thoughts towards me that are precious. Now, faced with such a dazzling a Biblical truth, I can disbelieve it, or I can analyze it theologically, or I can choose to simply revel in it.

I’ll take the reveling, thank you.

And as I revel, I remember my sons. Not being God I certainly don’t know them, nor anyone, inside out. But I’d say I have a pretty good working knowledge of their personalities, strengths and weaknesses, healthy and unhealthy tendencies, none of which changes the fact that to simply gaze on either one of them is to feel delight, warmth, deep pride. Fathers, in my experience, have a certain gleam reserved only for their children, whether grown or toddling. It’s instinctive, not chosen, and it remains as a stubborn, unyielding glow shed on the objects of a man’s deepest love. And finally, in feeling my own very limited version of my Father’s delight in me, I begin to see what David meant, and I dare to accept the fact God feels that way, multiplied to infinity, about me.

For all the books written and speeches made on self-esteem, I really don’t feel I can walk in confidence based on the way I esteem myself. Either I’ll kid myself into thinking I’m wonderful, thus walking in delusion, or I’ll assess myself realistically and throw in the towel. Today, though, I’d rather walk in confidence not through self-esteem, but by the way I am esteemed by the only One whose opinion truly matters. He doesn’t say I’m terrific or brilliant, much as I’d like Him to. But He does esteem me to be precious in His sight. I get the old gleam when my Dad gazes on me. I’m complete and justified because of the work and sacrifice of Christ, and valued because – well, because I’m valued. Precious, if you please, treasured.

Knowing that, and remembering who I’m treasured by, my head’s high today, my confidence strong, my heart grateful.

Because precious thoughts bear precious fruit.

Comments

Holly B. | Feb 21, 2013

This is so beautiful, Joe. I printed it off to keep with my journal. I've been an analyzer for years, or as my counselor told me a few months ago, "You like to contemplate your belly button."

I'm just now coming to the party to revel in God's love for me. In a way, it feels like I felt on my honemoon - alive, vibrant, beautiful, heady, and a little shocked with literally having a new identity as a wife, not to mention a new last name! (That'll actually mess with your head, lol! You think it's hard to remember how to write the new year number on your checks in January? Think about having to sign your last as a whole different name! I voided quite a few checks, lol.)

I've really struggled with 'Father' God for so long. Like so many people who have had their own 'bad dad' growing up, I've struggled with trying to imagine that certain gleam of love in Father God's eyes. My earthly dad's eyes were glazed over more than anything else. I'd cry in movies or tv where a father would weep over his child, or beam with pride at her accomplishments. I'd curse the ground and rage that I could not feel that myself, no matter how vicariously I tried to live in that picture.

One day, I told God, "I give up. I don't know what this feels like, so I'm going to just let that desire die. I can't picture You this way towards me. Sorry. Psalm 139 just isn't cutting it for me. I wish I was in heaven even now, so I really could experience that look for myself from You."

I was met with silence.

Wrapped in sadness.

Sometime later, I was hanging out with my kids and they were having this conversation that was pretty deep for little tykes of their age. I marveled with pride and wonder - where did they learn to discuss such deep things? I certainly didn't teach it to them, I thought. And I have no reason to feel proud - as if I made that happen. It didn't matter - it was just as beautiful thing to behold. Especially since most of the time, their lives are filled with: "You did this!" "Did not!" "Did too! I saw yooo!!" "Did not!! Mmmm-ahhhhh-MMmmMMmmMMmm (Mom)!!!"

But in that moment of tranquility and deep reflection for a couple of kids, as I reveled in delight in them, Father God taught me a lesson about He and I. He showed me that though my children are adopted and not of my flesh - I love them fierecly as if they came from my very body. Indeed they DID COME from my HEART - and that is the most painful and beautiful labor process of all sometimes, cause there is no nine month guarantee from start to finish. I waited 11 years for my son, and a year later for my daughter. That's a long time to be 'pregnant' with hope and longing.

And the pride I feel as their mother is just what you said, Joe. It's instinctive. Born in me the moment each one was laid in my arms and looked up at me. I was in love instantly - without thought or hesitation. Oh I had pleanty of hesitations on how to *be* a mom...but NOT about being my son's mom...or my daughter's mom. I was theirs the moment we touched each other. Instantanious. Transforming. Genuine. Deep.

And as Father reminded me about this, He whispered in my ear my own hesitations and doubts of His deep geniunie love and affection over me. He told me how He knew that I felt I could never be loved by Him because I never felt "worthy" enough to be loved by a King and God over all of creation. In my heart, I felt that we were too 'different' from one another. He - so holy and perfect...and me - so messy, and well...not.

He reminded me that He had an adoption plan for me, long before the foundation of the world was laid - and a means to make a way for this adoption to be complete, through the blood of His Son, Jesus. Not only that, but Jesus was just as willing for my adoption to take place, so that I could be in His family forever too. It was a joy for Him to do this.

And just like I cannot explain why or how I have such a deep love for children that did not come from my body, yet it is as tangible and deep as the sea, so His thoughts for me, truly number more than the sand on the shore of that sea. Not thoughts of "why can't she get it right?"...but thoughhts of "my beloved daughter - how I love her."

You CAN be adopted and loved completely for who you are as YOU. I may not know my children inside and out like the way God knows them and me...but I love every single part of them. Their habits, their hangups don't make me love them less. It makes me yearn for them to learn how deeply they can cling to a God who loves them more than their dad or I or their birthmom and extended family ever will. And that's a lot of love right there!

And that same kind of love that I have the delight to offer them, is moreover offered to me, to them, to you, to us all - with abundance....much Abundance by a Father who loves us deeper still.

Can I join your revelry? I can party with the best of them. I got my party hat on and my noise-maker. ::fweee!!::

Please give your beloved wife Renee a hug and "hello" from me. :)

Blessings to you both,

Holly

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