So Many Purity Plans – Who’s Right?

   If you’re a Christian guy who’s struggled with porn or other sexual sins, and you’ve checked Amazon.com to see what sort of help is available, then you’ve noticed how many authors, counselors, and pastors have written on the subject. And each of them, it seems, has a different approach.

Steve Arterburn’s bestseller Every Man’s Battle is practical and full of helpful anecdotes. Harry Schaumburg writes about the futility of bonding without intimacy in his excellent book False Intimacy. In Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction, specialist Mark Laaser explores emotional deficits sex addicts often display, and in my own The Game Plan, a 30-day approach is offered combining scriptural principles and practical steps to follow. Celebrate Recovery groups use a 12-Step model; Cleansing Stream groups emphasize prayer and spiritual warfare. Considering how many resources there are, and how different they seem, how does a man decide which approach is best for him?

The answer, I think, is similar to what you find when you check out diet and workout plans. While they all may have different approaches, any credible plan will include basic elements: calorie reduction, metabolism increase, minimal sugar and carbohydrate intake, and adequate sleep. In addition to those basics, a plan will offer all kinds of innovations and techniques that make it unique, so you can choose the one most compatible to you. All of them include the basics; all of them additionally have their particular method.

So it is with plans for attaining, and then maintaining, sexual purity. Each is unique, and by and large, I couldn’t say one is better than the other. Like diet plans, how “good” an approach is will largely determined by how well it fits your own situation and personality. But all good purity plans will include these points:

1. Repentance: If you’re serious about overcoming sexual sin you won’t just confess it; you’ll turn from it. A good plan will include help in taking the necessary action to walk away – and stay away – from the besetting sin.
2. Accountability: No man does this alone. A good plan will encourage you to develop either group or individual accountability relationships, and will give you some idea of what those relationships should look like and how they should function.
3. Introspection: You need to become aware of the moods or situations that make you most vulnerable to temptation. A good plan helps you develop techniques to “make it” when those moods or situations hit.
4. Humility: If someone has been hurt by your sin (and invariably, somebody has) then you’ve got apologies to make and trust to rebuild. A good plan will guide you through the delicate and very emotional process of making amends and rebuilding broken trust.
5. The Big Picture: You need to look at the context of your purity and, indeed, the context of your life. As a believer you’re in a temporary situation, running a race while looking forward to the day when your mortal body will put on immortality, your race will be finished, and you’ll see Him face to face. Recovery for its own sake is good; recovery experienced as an act of love for the One who we’ll someday meet is better, and infinitely more meaningful.

By all means check your options out when you’re looking for help in this vital, difficult area. But make sure any approach you latch onto is one which includes these five elements, and then determine which approach is also most uniquely suited to you. Whichever one it is, I’m confident that if you keep these five general points in front of you, and pay adequate attention to each as you go along, you’ll be able to say just what Paul said when nearing the end of his own event:

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.

-II Timothy 4:7

Check out my newest resource 5 Steps to Breaking Free From Porn