Normal – Says Who?

Every Monday we’ll post something to do with maintaining sexual purity. Hope it helps.

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Normal – Says Who?

“Here, in the midst of life, there is to be a strong negative, by choice, and by the grace of God. It is not, for example, a matter of waiting until we no longer have strong sexual desires, but rather that in the midst of the moving of life, surrounded by a world that grabs everything, we are to understand what Jesus means when He talks about denying ourselves that which is not rightfully ours.”

Francis Schaeffer, True Spirituality

Normalizing sin is the devil’s game, one to which men are all too susceptible. When I gave myself permission to start looking at porn back in 1978, though I was a born again believer who’d been in full time ministry for years, it wasn’t because I convinced myself that it was right. Rather, I convinced myself it was normal, and thereby it was also understandable and acceptable. “Even if it isn’t good,” I told myself, “neither is it so terribly bad.” And on that faulty premise I tried to make peace with sin.

Our premises have a lot to do with our behavioral choices, and nowhere is this more evident than in the sexual arena. If my premise is that what’s normal must be OK, then how I determine what’s normal will have huge impact on my day to day decisions. A common error is to turn to one of two fallible sources to settle the question.

What’s Normal to Me

From infancy we make discoveries as to what’s pleasurable, comforting, exciting to us. Based on a constellation of influences, including our unique personality makeup, out environment, and our decisions, we discover certain rituals that feel nurturing, be they nail biting, daydreaming, masturbating or overeating. The ones that fit are the ones that deliver meaning and ecstasy, two powerful elements that, when combined, create such a potent cocktail we may continue drinking it for a lifetime. We discover the magic early in life; we incorporate it privately until it becomes a predictable part of our routine. Thus it becomes, at least to us, quite normal. And that makes it all the easier to justify.

But the natural man, according to Paul, can’t even conceive of the things of God. (I Corinthians 2:14) That tells me that I’m capable of kidding myself into thinking that because something is natural to me, it must therefore be natural in His sight as well. But that flies in the face of what scripture teaches about our natural state. “My ways are not your ways,” He affirmed (Isaiah 55:8) so I’m left with a divine “So What?” when I argue that something seems natural to me. If I have a Creator who has specific intentions for my life and conduct, then it matters little what seems right and normal to me. I answer not to my own ingrained passions, but to a much higher power.

What’s Normal to the Culture

Some of us will remember a time when the Church and the culture were essentially on the same page when it came to sexual ethics. This is not to say the culture was Christian; rather, the culture affirmed the Church’s position on sexual behavior and morality. (Whether it lived up to that affirmation is questionable, the point being that at least the right-versus-wrong message was pretty much the same whatever source it came from.)

Not so today. As the culture’s obvious drift from Judeo-Christian values has accelerated, the chasm between the Christian definition of normal and the cultural one has grown, as the old spiritual says, so wide you can’t get around it. This is the age of dancing transsexuals, allegedly Real Housewives and Lady Gaga, so what the heck’s normal? Clearly, if we listen to the surrounding world, it’s a convenient whatever – whatever feels right; whatever doesn’t verifiably hurt others; whatever comes naturally to you. And in such an environment, the casual private viewing of pornography looks innocuous, harmless, almost boringly normal.

No doubt many Israelites pondered this when God forbade them to practice things the surrounding nations accepted as normative. “Where’s the harm?” they may logically have asked themselves upon hearing that sexual expressions commonly accepted by their neighbors were off-limits to them. And while God could have broken down countless physical and psychological health issues in response, His answer in scripture was broader: “You’re Mine, therefore you’re different. I alone will determine what’s normal. Be separate.” (Leviticus 20:26)

There’s an answer I hope we’ll all take to heart and mind today.