I just found out my husband’s using internet porn. What do I do?

Remind him that you’re his partner and want the best for him, your marriage and your family.

Every Tuesday we post something having to do with marriages affected by sexual sin. Hope this helps.

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“I just found out my husband’s using internet porn. What do I do?”

• Make sure he knows that you know he’s been using porn, and that it is completely unacceptable to you. Don’t accept a simple, “Sorry, it won’t happen again.” Instead, let him know that you consider his porn use to be serious enough to warrant action in addition to apology.
• Insist on getting an internet filter/accountability device immediately. I’d recommend any of the following:

Triple X Watch http://x3watch.com/

Be Safe Online http://bsafehome.com/?13850

Filter Review http://www.filterreview.com/

• Remind him that you’re his partner and want the best for him, your marriage and your family. Don’t resort to shaming or humiliating him, and don’t give yourself excuses for lashing out at him for hurting you. Sinning against him will be as wrong and unproductive as the sin he’s committed against you.
• On the other hand, don’t apologize for being angry and hurt, because you have been hugely betrayed. Let him know how you feel, and ask for him to understand that his choice to lust after other women has wounded you deeply, and that it will take you some time to recover.
• Talk this over with a Christian counselor, your pastor, or a trusted mentor. Get help assessing the seriousness of your husband’s problem, and consider whether or not ongoing counseling or more focused ministry might be necessary for him. Don’t treat it like a minor “blip” in your marriage, because porn use can have devastating consequences to the family if it’s not nipped in the bud. Remember all that’s good about your husband and your marriage, and work with him towards insuring that his use of porn is something that will never happen again.

Key Verses

“But have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather, expose them.” Ephesians 5:11

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you.” -Ephesians 4: 32