The Courage to Confront

Every Thursday we’ll post something to do with Emotional Issues or Relational issues. Hope it helps

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The Courage to Confront

Entering into my late 50’s, I find myself bothered more by what I should have done than I am by things I actually did. And one of those “should have dones” comes from my refusal, over thirty-five years ago, to confront a man I’ll call Robert.

Robert was amazing; a young leader gifted with insight, passion and astonishing charisma. I first met him when he was leading a home Bible study, and though he was barely twenty one years old at the time, he taught with an authority at least twenty years beyond his age. I was seventeen at the time, an impressionable and eager new Christian. When he eventually asked me to join his fledging ministry I jumped on it. Like all gifted leaders, he was a man you believed in and hitched up with.

Within three years, that home Bible study had grown into a television and radio ministry, with weekly meetings attended by a thousand-plus , and monthly rallies held statewide. The money flowed, our influence grew, and Robert changed. His style, once humble and funny, was now flamboyant and bossy. He began treating his staff worse than most secular bosses would have dared, waking us in the middle of the night or interrupting our family lives whenever the mood hit him. The offerings we took in were largely unaccounted for, and his pleas for money during services grew shriller.

I knew he was wrong. I also knew there’d be the devil to pay if I said anything, as Robert reached a point where he’d sooner behead you than tolerate criticism. So rather than confront, I appeased, refusing to speak up when I saw him lie, abuse and manipulate. And the more of a prima donna he became, the less willing I became to tell him what I’d come to think about him.

I finally slipped out of that organization, quietly and peacefully, no fuss. But it was a false peace, for me/ I’d helped build an organization then stood by while it crumpled, from within, into a tragedy.

Robert died twenty six years ago, ravaged by AIDS contracted through anonymous sexual encounters he began having while still in the pulpit. I doubt any of his former staff members were surprised. But my sadness over Robert is with me today, and keenly. I saw wrongdoing, and said nothing. And I’m determined not to be guilty of that sort of negligence again.

I hope you are, too.