Notes From The Doghouse: “Honey, About That Mouth …”

Every Tuesday we’ll be posting an article about restoring and strengthening marriages that have been damaged by sexual sin. Sometimes the article will come in the form of Notes from the Doghouse – things men who’ve sinned wish their wives could hear and understand.

Hope todays Notes from the Doghouse are helpful.

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Notes from the Doghouse: “Honey, About That Mouth —”

Dear Wife,

I’m in the doghouse, where you’ve sent me, and I can’t really complain because I know it’s my own actions that put me here. I did some stupid, irresponsible things that brought me a little pleasure, followed by a lot of misery, like the sick feeling you get after you deliberately sin; the shame of knowing I’ve let everyone down; and, worst of all, the knowledge that your heart is broken because of me. So I’ll stay put in this cramped, lonely doghouse out back while you heal, and hopefully we’ll be able to renew, by God’s grace, our marriage and life together.

Meantime, while you’ve been looking long and hard at my sin, I’ve noticed there’s some laundry in your own closet that needs bleach.

Now, hold on. I’m not about to blame you for anything I’ve done, nor am I saying that any sin I commit is justified by any sin on your plate. What I am saying, though, is that for us to really heal and move on, both of us need to be willing to look at ourselves. And Sweetheart, let me say this gently but plainly – you haven’t done a bang up job of that lately. Maybe because my own sins are so prominent right know, it’s easy to overlook yours. Or maybe because I’ve hurt you so badly, you feel there’s no wrong in hurting me; tit for tat, and so forth. But for whatever reason, long before my wrongs came to light, you had a few of your own. Please, for our family’s sake, take a moment to look at them with me.

The one that keeps coming between us is, to put it plainly, your tongue. Long before my sexual wrongdoing started, you’d already started talking to me in ways you’d never address anyone else. At first I chalked it up to occasional irritation, life stressors and so forth. But with time, I’ve really come to feel that I’m the convenient punching bag for your frustrations; the guy who’ll put up with it if you snap at him, scream at him, or throw out sarcastic quips without good cause. And you were right, to a point. I will. But after awhile, those words of yours take their toll.

They certainly did in our case. I should have been more honest with you from the beginning, I’m sure, though I’m equally sure you wouldn’t have heard me. (Sorry if I’m wrong about that.) Regardless, it got to a point where I withdrew, not physically but from the heart, making it all the easier for me to avoid you and seek comfort elsewhere.

Well, I was dead wrong, and I deserve the consequences I’m facing now. But in some pretty important ways, so were you. You asked me, once my sin was exposed, if it was about your looks, or your shape. I responded then, as I do now, by saying no, it was all about my selfishness. But now I would also add that, when it comes to problems between us in general, it’s about that mouth. Your words wear me down, and if we’re to ever really be what we’re meant to be as a couple, we’ve got to do something about that.

So here’s my commitment. I’ll keep pursuing holiness and correcting the problem that put me in the doghouse. And I’ll likewise commit to being more honest with you, instead of withdrawing from you, when your words start needlessly cutting me down. And I hope, if you’ll hear me when I do point this out, that you’ll find me a better, stronger, humbler and more Christ-like man. Because I’m trying, and hard.

Come out here to visit me sometime and see for yourself.