Every Friday we’ll take a break from topical posts and will post some random personal thoughts.
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A Cuppa Joe – Random Ramblings from a Fellow Struggler
I’d sure appreciate your prayers this weekend, as I will be teaching The Game Plan seminar at a men’s retreat in Atlanta. This is always an honor and a lot of fun as well, and I always look forward to being with other guys who are ready to get honest and serious about sexual purity.
Since 1987 I’ve had the honor of working with men like that. I’ve admired their courage in admitting they had a problem, and I’ve learned from them, as together we’ve found answers and tools. I’ve also noticed similarities in their lives and circumstances.
First, they were introduced to sexual sin came early in life. Lost innocence has been a common theme: childhood exposure to pornography, pre-adolescent sexual experiments, or even molestation. They saw too much too soon, and explored too early. Masturbation, porn and sexual fantasies were incorporated into their lifestyle, and while many never had sex with another person until their adulthood, many others, in fact, were promiscuous while still teenagers. They found an outlet while they were young; they indulged it frequently.
Second, despite their sexual behavior, they have a genuine and abiding faith in Christ. Whether raised in the church or converted later, these aren’t men who just pretend to be Christians. They’re true believers: born again, belonging to a local congregation and, in many ways, committed. I haven’t needed to share the gospel with them, since they’ve already known and responded to it long before we met. Most are active in their churches; many are elders, music ministers, deacons or board members. More than a few have been pastors.
Which leads to a third common characteristic: their conversion experience, though genuine, did not make their sexual problems disappear.
All too often they thought it would, so they expected God to provide a sort of microwave experience, rapidly cooking the lust and sinful tendencies right out of them.
But it didn’t happen that way. So when those tendencies returned (if indeed they ever left) they decided they must be doing something wrong. “If I’m still tempted to commit the sexual sins I committed before”, they reasoned, “then I lack faith, or I’m not trying hard enough, or there’s something radically flawed about me as a man.”
They’re wrong, of course, but the silence in the church about sexual sin only confirms their fears. How often, really, do we hear Christians talk openly about the problem of sexual temptation? When did you last hear, even in the privacy of small prayer and Bible study groups, someone say, “I’m wrestling with sexual temptations; please pray for me?” And when sexual sin becomes a sermon topic, isn’t it more often than not referred to as a problem outside the church, rather than a common weakness we ourselves need to guard against?
All of which can leave a man thinking he’s the only Christian with sexual temptations, which doubles his shame. The shame encourages his isolation and secrecy, and those are twin elements that make a man’s heart into a lonely place – dark and fertile – where sexual sin can take root, grow and thrive.
It’s thrived in so many of the men I’ve worked with, sometimes for years, until the fourth characteristic finally came into play: exposure leading to motivation.
Virtually every man I’ve worked with has had a crises, whether in his conscience or his circumstance, that forced the problem into the light. And with that exposure came fear, anger, or deep dissatisfaction. These, in turn, became strong incentives for change. So by the time I’ve met these men, they’ve usually been highly motivated, humbled by their sin, teachable, and ready to work.
I’ve been such a man, and I’m looking forward to meeting many such men this weekend. They’re in our churches and our lives, and your love and prayers will go far towards their coming into all God has for them.
Have a great weekend. Thanks for being here.
Love,
Joe
Comments
Mark Eystad | Apr 23, 2012
Joe,
I was there this weekend. I wanted to write you to say thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedule to speak to us. I appreciate the simplicity of your messages. This is a very complex issue, for many of us dating back to our pre-teen years, and yet the method of tackling the issue is relatively simple (though almost always incredibly painful emotionally).
As a man who did not come to Christ until age 35, a decade ago, I had a lot of "baggage". Like you said, accepting Christ (or getting married, for that matter) did not solve the problem. What both of those events did do is expose my behavior as destructive to the growth of both my relationship with Christ and with my wife.
Sadly, you where correct is saying the church as a whole is completely unprepared. They are unprepared for both the sheer size of this issue and its destructive capacity, especially as it relates to the church being able to lead people into a growing relationship with Jesus Christ.
This weekend I decided to allow God to use me as he wishes in his battle for the hearts of men as they wrestle with this issue. I am stepping out of the boat, just like Peter. Thank you! (I think.)
joe dallas | Apr 23, 2012
What a pleasure hearing from you, Mark. The weekend was rich, and I loved every minute of the worship, fellowship and teaching. I'm so encouraged to hear about your zeal, and while stepping out of the boat is never done lightly, it's still, so often, the best (and only) thing to do. God bless you and your wife. Keep me posted as to how things are going.
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