Morphing Marriage

Every Tuesday we’ll post something to do with strengthening marriages. Hope it helps.

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Morphing Marriage

“Know you not that from the beginning He created them male and female? For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” – Mark 10:6-9

Morph: (as verb) Change smoothly from one image to another by small gradual steps using computer animation techniques.

It’s changing as you read this, undergoing a steady morphing generating applause, condemnation, incessant commentary and general confusion. Marriages’ definition is under reconstruction, not for the first time, and the political, emotional and cultural stakes are immeasurable. Thus our President, who has steadily been on record as opposing the re-definition of marriage to include same-sex coupling, now cautiously describes his views on the matter as “evolving” even as his vice president has all but come out in favor of the morph. Washington state is embroiled in the debate with the outcome quite possibly favoring redefinition; North Carolina’s voters will have their say which will almost certainly veer from the direction their West Coast friends are taking.

Look for ongoing referendums, state challenges and the inevitable US Supreme Court showdown, all over what really constitutes marriage.

I have one of those, as do many of you, and those of us who are both wedded and committed to the traditional concept of a wedding can expect scrutiny of the way we’re treating this institution we claim to value, especially in the heat of our current national clash of values. If I’m against the morph (which I am, clearly and strongly) I’d best first be certain my valuing of marriage as defined by its Creator is evident not in the way I protest its redefinition, but in the way I protect, nurture and invest in my own. One solid marriage has more impact than fifty brilliant apologetic defenses.

Which calls to mind an old argument between my two sons over the oldest one’s discarded bathrobe. He hadn’t used it for years; it hung untouched in his closet. The younger was at that age when all things Older Brother were cool and there for the trying, so he began wearing Big Bro’s robe, strutting around in what appeared to be a tent covering his small body, enjoying himself hugely. Big Brother was outraged – What’s he doing wearing my robe! – when I pointed out that he had essentially discarded it, so why complain when someone else wanted it?

Click here for a few of the many ugly statistics floating around the internet on the prevalence of porn use among Christian men. Or here for stats on adultery committed by Christians. Or do your own research, which won’t take long if you simply Google in words like “sexual sin among evangelicals.” It’s no surprise that Christians error, but discouraging to see the numbers who do. Especially in light of the numbers who also howl, when gay couples walk the aisle, What are they doing wearing our robe? What’s not cherished may as well have been discarded; what’s been discarded may well get picked up by someone else who really wants it.

Of course, the majority of believers are by no means guilty of these transgressions, so the Church at large cannot be indicted for hypocrisy. But perhaps our outrage itself should morph into a bit more in-rage, addressing the sins among us at least as aggressively – no, more so – than we address those on the outside. Amidst our rightful protest of a morph many of us fear will come back to bite us in a not-too-distant future, let’s remember the need to first address problems in our own ranks, then humbly yet clearly continue standing for what’s sacred and proven to work when operated as the Manufacturer intended. Living out the standards we preach is reasonable obedience, but it’s also sound policy when wanting to impact a surrounding culture growing ever more cynical about all things conservative Christian. Episcopal seminarian William Frey envisioned this approach some time ago, and, as he relates it, it sounds like nothing more than basic Christianity:

“One of the most attractive features of the early Christian communities was their radical sexual ethic and their deep commitment to family values. These things drew many people to them who were disillusioned by the promiscuous excesses of what proved to be a declining culture. Wouldn’t it be wonderful for our church to find such counter cultural courage today?” (as quoted in Time Magazine June 24, 1991)

Wonderful, yes, and entirely doable. There’s a hopeful note in to clutch when the trends alarm us, and a legitimate challenge to rise to as well.