The Default Principle

Every Monday we’ll post something to do with maintaining sexual purity. Hope it helps.

The Default Principle

When you discover behavior that delivers pleasurable impact, your brain will crave a repetition of the impact. Accept this fact and prepare for it, and you’ll go far towards maintaining integrity over the years.

I used to think that if the urge to look at porn re-emerged, it meant I was in some sort of weakened state, emotionally or spiritually. Sometimes that proved to be true, certainly, but not always. Decades after stopping all porn use, I find the temptation can arise when things are going beautifully or horribly. Lust has a mind of its own, and the temptation to default back to high-impact activity can rear its head seemingly without rhyme or reason.

That’s because, to my thinking, the brain behaves quite amorally when it comes to impact. It stores in its memory banks a careful recording of intense experiences, so we can re-experience, sometimes vividly, early episodes of great fear, joy, or sensual pleasure through brief and simple recall. The moral rightness or wrongness of the experience has little to do with how deeply embedded that recording is. It’s the intensity, not the morality, that etches an action into the recall files, and there’s no delete button that can be accessed to rid the mind of what the heart may have rightfully rejected.

As if that isn’t bad enough, the memories of actions we’ve renounced need no invitation to poke themselves into our consciousness. Like irritating, unwanted internet popups, they come barging in when we’re trying to concentrate on something else entirely. You’ve probably experienced this yourself; I sure have. At the weirdest, most in-opportune times some seedy image or episode from my past replays itself on my mental screen. Nothing I’ve done causes it; it needs no cause. It just is.

Other times, of course, the cause is easy to discern. If I’m in a bad mood, or bored, or generally at loose ends, my brain reminds me of habits discarded decades ago and says, in essence, “This product will alleviate your discomfort, stabilize your mood, entertain, energize and soothe you all at once. But wait! There’s more. It’s free, easy to access and efficient. Operators are waiting for your call.”

But the default principle kicks into gear whether its cause is obvious or obscure. We are inclined to fall back into patterns that deliver comfort, or anesthesia, or high stimulation. Just ask anyone who’s tried abandoning cigarettes, junk food, drugs, gambling or porn. The behavior is a vehicle for the impact; the impact is what we both remember and crave. What to do?

As always, answers are found in the Word. Paul, no slouch when it comes to understanding the human system, offers practical and very useful advice in Romans 12:1-2 :

“I beseech you, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And be no conformed the this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind —”

I can’t do anything to stop the pesky, irritating popups from careening through my head. I can, though, on a daily basis present my body to God, brain included, and ask Him to give me relief from the pull towards default, and strength to resist when resistance is called for.

And transformation, through the Holy Spirit’s amazing work and ability to cleanse my mind when nothing else works.

It’s an old approach, tried and true, simple and effective. Please try it today if you’ve found yourself defaulting, year after year, to unclean actions. If you have then it’s time to stop, and when stopping, it’s time to return to the basics.

Offer yourself to God and there’s no question He’ll accept the offering and, like the bread and fish He blessed and broke, He’ll make your offering into a blessing powerful and potent beyond your imagination.

Comments

Caryn LeMur | Oct 17, 2012

"...And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what [is] that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. "

Joe: Amen. To offer our bodies/lives to God is a very good point. I like also the point of 'renewing our mind', which is (to me) the second part of the key to transformation, and ultimately experiencing ("Proving") the will of God within our lives.

It is not enough to give our lives to God; it is not enough to just 'renew our minds' - both are needed if we wish to experience the will of God in our lives.

I offer that believers can 'renew' (or 'renovate') our minds by studying the Word, prayer, worship, fellowship, dialog with others that walk with Christ, and perhaps a dozen other ways. Each person in each season of life seems to need to find a good mix of methods for 'renewing their mind'. What worked at age 20 may not work at age 56.... .

I offer that 'renewing' takes time and patience, and lots of persistence. We must 'believe that God exists, and is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him'.

Thank you for the article. Much love in Christ always and unconditionally; Caryn

Janis Spalding | Oct 19, 2012

Joe, I thank God for you. I am a mother of a 19 yr. old son, and he has left the "fight" and is living in a deceived state. I am praying for his restoration and I am trying to be ready to assist him when he's ready to "fight" again. Sadly, our church shepherds failed in helping him/us when he was open and asking for help. I'm sure you've heard this story over and over. I pray as Christians - we can learn and be prepared to walk alongside struggling ex-gay friends. I wait on my God to rescue Zac. As I am waiting on God to transform him, I am being transformed! I am just about finished with your book A Strong Delusion. What should I read next? Thanks for this blog....it is a huge blessing to me and many. God Bless you. Janis from Florida.

Caryn LeMur | Oct 19, 2012

Janis: may I offer that you consider visiting a professional counselor? You appear to be quite in the 'grieving' process. Which is quite normal, and very much a part of being human. For example, when I became a Christian, my parents became very concerned and even grieved the loss of their child. I was the first believer in my family (though my older sister may have been a believer in secret way back then).

It is very difficult to 'walk in love' when you are a parent, and grieving. After all, we are so very certain that our world has been shattered, and God is no longer in control of the other person... we are certain they are deceived, when God may be working the miracle of changing their mindset from 'the god of my fathers' into 'my Lord and my God'.

We have three children. One went to jail for a short time. We went into a grief cycle. But God allowed him to be savagely beaten in jail. Ouch. We cried. But our son never went back into minor crimes, at all. He later bought a business, and ran it until he sold it. He is currently laid off - no work... yet he now walks with Christ in a very meditative (almost far eastern) approach - keeping himself calm and 'in control of himself' rather than reactive. Incredible improvement!

The above process has taken about 17 years... he is now 35 years old.

Our God is great. We have learned: God does not abandon His children. He hears our prayers and petitions. We withdraw our need to control them; and allow them to be an adult that walks with God within their limitations of faith. And we shower them with gentle listening, love, and encouragement to keep walking with Him in ways small or great.

Much love in Christ always and unconditionally; Caryn

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