The Nightmare in Corinth

I’ve been teaching a series on I Corinthians in my adult Sunday School class. Since this isn’t a book that lends itself to Christmas cheer, for yesterday’s class I decided to thoroughly pervert The Night Before Christmas in an attempt to coat the teaching with some holiday style. Thought I’d pass it on, with my sincere apologies. The devil made me do it.

—

Twas a nightmare in Corinth, and all through the church

Each believer was acting as monstrous as Lurch.

Some talking had caused poor St Paul so much care

And he hoped that some penitence soon would be there.

For according to what he was told they were erring

In ways that had this poor apostle despairing.

Divisions were thriving. Now that got him hot.

So he said “I guess Christ is divided, huh? Not!”

For some said “I’m of Peter”, some said “I’m of Paul”

But Paul said “You’re carnal. I’m sick of you all!”

You’re puffed up and prideful

Unrepentant, unjust,

And don’t get me started on how some of you lust!

You stir up dissension, you generate strife

And one of you shacks with his own father’s wife

You get drunk at communion, you’re abusing the gifts

You’re suing each other like heathens!

What gives?

Don’t you know that the nature you get when you’re saved

Is a new one that’s quenched when you act so depraved?

God is holy, unchanging,

And don’t think me mean

But the kingdom of God is not for the unclean.

No strip dancer, No prancer, No street corner vixen

No swinger No harlot No stealer who’s fixin’

To rip others off and deliberately sin

Even Rudolph the red nosed old drunk won’t get in.

No reviler polluting the church with his leaven

No greedy soul robbing a 7-Eleven

Is going inherit the kingdom of heaven.

Now I know we all sin, falling short now and then

But to treat it as though it’s all trivial when

You should mourn it, disown it and turn from it, men

And you women, a new way has got to begin.

Let me see some humility, zeal and reform

Let me hear that true unity now is the norm.

Let me know you’ve abandoned this dead carnal rut

Lest I’m moved to come kick some Corinthian butt.

And he closed with a warning

Which was not taken light

Salutations from Paul

And to all

Get it Right!