Attorney General for the State of California, Kamala Harris
Renee and I are having an argument and nobody’s budging.
It’s not bad; we’re just at an impasse over President Obama’s remarks about Secretary of State Kamala Harris, his subsequent apology, and the media fallout.
Now, as I understand it, The President, addressing a fundraising lunch in Atherton, California , referred to Ms. Harris as “the best-looking attorney general in the country.” Uproar ensured; talking heads bobbed. No surprise there; that’s the kind of thing our 24 hour news cycle thrives on. But what did startle me was my dear wife’s strong reaction when I casually noted that the President’s words did not, to my thinking, constitute anything close to sexism.
I don’t know who’s more surprised: Me, to see Renee getting her dander up so early in the AM, or Renee, to hear me defending Obama. Neither one happens much.
Now, just for context, let me point out that reading the morning paper together is a pleasant 25 year old habit, free of friction, and as entrenched in our daily routine as brushing our teeth. Renee and I wake up, sip coffee and browse articles, laughing, raging, and commenting our way through each section, seldom if ever disagreeing on anything, especially anything of substance. We’re much of the same mind socially, politically, and theologically, so when we react to news items, we do so in unison. “Preaching to the choir” is business as usual in our home.
Imagine my surprise, then, when my darling let me have it over one innocent little sentence:
“I don’t see the big deal in noting that she’s attractive.”
Well, heaven help me, you’d think I’d just called Gloria Steinem Baby Doll.
I was subjected to a passionate, pointed lecture on how hard it is for women to hold their own in a man’s world, how common it is for men to dismiss women’s accomplishments and qualifications and focus instead on their looks, and what a complicated dance women have to do, even in 2013, to juggle competence, graciousness, femininity and confidence all at once.
“Right. All true. But all he said was that she’s attractive.”
Dumb move. Part Two of the Educate the Neanderthal lecture commenced, with all my occasional buts and wait a minutes mowed over with Objection Overruled.
To clarify, I do think it’s foolish to comment on a woman’s appearance in such a setting, because even though I don’t consider the comment inherently wrong, these days even I realize such remarks often give offense. But honestly, does noting the lovely presence of a lady among men warrant such a reaction?
I say no. The Lady of the House says yes.
We’d both love to hear your thoughts. And we both hope you’re having a blessed, terrific weekend.
Love,
Joe
Comments
apronheadlilly | Apr 6, 2013
I thought I read, "was my dear wife’s wrong reaction." Just anticipating, I guess. :-) I'm not getting in the middle of this one.
Cathy Jean Coulson | Apr 6, 2013
Hmm I think it matters more what Obama's wife, Michelle thought about it.. :) I would call it a blunder. As a woman, I would say, smarter to focus on women's talents or personality rather than their looks.
Darla Meeks | Apr 6, 2013
I'm a smart, professional woman with an advanced degree and a little law school besides...I am regularly blessed with promotions, bonuses and raises because of the gifts God has given me...and I like being called attractive. It's hardly a slander, and I've often thought that President Obama is an attractive man. It's an asset to him and his country that he is...he didn't need to apologize as far as I'm concerned.
Lynne Everest | Apr 6, 2013
Uh...I'm a little confused. I thought you were the Joe Dallas who was once gay, or ex-gay...many years ago? But this has me wondering because it all sounds pretty mainstream machismo to me. (I'm kidding a little here and mean no harm, but do count this as a point for Renee, albeit through a sexist remark by me and possibly a gay slur as well, not sure because I get confused when I try to keep track.)
But good fun, Joe, you two are a cute couple and I love your posts! <~~~~ me being very nice, (honest too), but very very nice...to, you know...cma. :)
Robert | Apr 7, 2013
Call me a Neanderthal as well, Joe. Yes, I realize that women are often seen only for their attractive looks and not for their knowledge and all of that, but c'mon - can't a guy even say anymore that a lady looks good? Get outa here!
Kent Robbins | Apr 7, 2013
I think the real issue here is what was in his heart when he said it. Per the Gospel of Matthew, "You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." (Matthew 12:34 ESV). If his heart was filled with lust, then the statement stands as objectification. If it was spoken as a testament to God's creation (unlikely, but possible), then the statement is pure.
Having said this, I am married to an amazingly smart and attractive woman whom I would prefer the world recognize for her brilliance, not her looks. My vote is for Renee (sorry Joe)!
rose howe | Apr 7, 2013
I am a woman and never agree with Obama ,but I don't see anything wrong with saying she's attractive
Clifford Krimmel | Apr 9, 2013
I'm afraid I have to side with your wife. I asked myself what was his reason to say that in the first place? Even more, the whole thing seems to be the opposite of what he, as a liberal, stands for. As for me I avoid commenting on someones looks. Why fall prey to the way the world wants us to be? Obama's comment, seemed to me a bit too personal, and yet it was made in public. I love your blog, even if I don't agree with you on this one.
Joe Dallas | Apr 9, 2013
You're in the majority, Clifford. I think Renee won this one. Thanks for casting a vote, and for your kind encouragement.
Andrew Roberts | Apr 11, 2013
Not a comment on this article. Just felt compelled to say I love your writing Joe and what you are doing with your life! :)
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