The Nightmare in Corinth

Last year I was teaching on I Corinthians in our adult Bible study class, so when Christmas came I got a crazy bug to write a poem on Corinth’s problems.

I posted it and have gotten several requests to re-post it this year, so here it is. This is, of course, a spoof on The Night Before Christmas, so keep that poem in mind as you read this. And to all who love Marcus Tidmarsh’s classic poem, please accept my apologies…

The Nightmare in Corinth

(based on and butchering “The Night Before Christmas”

 by Marcus Tidmarsh)

T’was a nightmare in Corinth, and all through the church

Each believer was acting as monstrous as Lurch.

Some talking had caused poor St Paul so much care

That he hoped some true penitence soon would be there.

For according to what he was told they were erring

In ways that had that poor apostle despairing.

Divisions were thriving. Now that got him hot.

So he said “I guess Christ is divided, huh? Not!”

Some said “I’m of Peter”, some said “I’m of Paul”

But Paul said “You’re carnal. I’m sick of you all!”

You’re puffed up and prideful

Unyielded, unjust,

And don’t get me started on how some of you lust!

You stir up dissension, you generate strife

And one of you shacks with his own father’s wife

You get drunk at communion, you’re abusing the gifts

You’re suing each other like heathens!

What gives?

Don’t you know that the nature you get when you’re saved

Is a new one that’s quenched when you act so depraved?

God is holy, unchanging,

And don’t think me mean

But the kingdom of God is not for the unclean.

No prancer, strip dancer, nor street corner vixen

No swinger No harlot No stealer who’s fixin’

To rip others off and deliberately sin

Even Rudolph the red nosed old drunk won’t get in.

No reviler polluting the church with his leaven

No greedy soul robbing a 7-Eleven

Will ever inherit the kingdom of heaven!

Now I know we all sin, falling short now and then

But to treat it as though it’s all trivial when

You should mourn it, disown it and turn from it, men

And you women, a new way has got to begin.

Let me see some humility, zeal and reform

Let me hear that true unity now is the norm.

Let me know you’ve abandoned this dead carnal rut

Lest I’m moved to come kick some Corinthian butt.

And he closed with a warning

Which was not taken light

Salutations from Paul

And to all

Get it Right!