Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife —
I know my wife better than anyone else. Well, duh. We’re 26 years married, after all, so if my working knowledge of the woman isn’t higher anyone else’s, it’s be a heck of an indictment against me.
So ask me practically anything about her and I can fill you in, though I won’t, though I could. I know her fully, not completely, but pretty thoroughly. And vice versa, it goes without saying.
I also try to honor her daily, with affection, deference, and compliments. So, in light of all that, have I met Peter’s requirement as stated above? I dwell with Renee, know her and honor her, fine. But before I award myself the gold star I have to re-visit this verse, and in doing so, I find an interesting point.
Peter’s phrase “according to honor” literally means, per Strong’s concordance, “according to a valuing by which the price is fixed.” That tells me I’m to honor my spouse based not on my limited ability to see her good qualities, though that’s warranted. But there’s also a pre-existing value God placed on her before I ever came along, making her royalty before I met her by virtue of who and whose she is. This is no small point – my tendency has been to value Renee because of her obvious qualities, which forces the question of whether I’d do so if those qualities weren’t so obvious. According to Peter, I’d have to.
Let’s re-iterate that phrase “according to a valuing by which the price is fixed.” The fixed value of a mate may, at times, not match the perceived value, which is true of anything, I guess. I may own a gold ring and treat it like brass or like Fort Knox, but its value stays intact either way. The value isn’t determined by me; it’s there whether I recognize it or not. So it is with the mate I’ve been entrusted with. She has a value set on her that has nothing to do with me or what good or bad qualities I see in her. It’s the value her Maker and Father placed on her, and that – the valuing by which the price is fixed – is what I’m to honor.
Suppose I really did value that gold ring, but, because it was a gift bought by another, I never knew its true worth. Maybe I just thought it very handsome; very flashy and impressive, without understanding its monetary value. I’d be honoring it to a point, but not the most accurate one. Only with a bit of investigation would I come to realize what a treasure I had.
The parallel’s obvious. I can value my mate because she’s pretty, talented, passionate or sweet. And happily for me, she’s all of those things. But, because she’s a gift bought by another, I can also miss her true worth. Only with a bit of investigation – the word, prayer, reflection – do I come to realize what a treasure I have, because there’s a fixed and unchanging value placed on her. Sometimes when grouchy, stressed out or self-absorbed, I miss it, but that doesn’t diminish it. I am entrusted with a treasure having fixed and permanent value, one that doesn’t change just because I’m not always aware of it. Sometimes she acts like a Princess and her value’s obvious to anyone. Other times she’s grumpy (though still lovable; I know I’m walking a tightrope here) and at times like that I may wrongly devalue her. Or, as often happens, my own bad mood or wrong thinking keeps me from rightly assessing what I have.
All of which reminds me that, as Jesus said, I have to abide in Him or nothing gets accomplished. (John 15:5) In that abiding my mind is clear; my priorities straight; my love/His love flows. Left on my own my head gets cloudy and my attitude sours. But walking in the light, I may still see through a glass darkly, but at least what I see is closer to the truth and more apt to remind me how indescribably blessed I am.
God give us husbands the ability to reflect on what we’ve been given, both in its real value, and in the responsibilities that come along with calling the incredible gift of a spouse “mine.” We’ve got treasure. And the day’s coming when we will surely answer for the way we’ve treated them.
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