Blind Spots

And would some Power the small gift give us
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,
And foolish notion.

-Robert Burns

 My wife and I just finished talking about frustrations we have with people, events, and me. (I always manage to make the list) And that’s what marriage is for – you need one safe place to vent without editing your comments, so whatever’s bothering you about your church, neighbors or friends can be discussed openly with your spouse, minus the careful choice of words and diplomacy you exercise when talking to other people. Free speech of the marital sort is nice and raw, and through it you can reach some useful conclusions. One that came to me this morning goes something like this: A lot of frustration could be prevented if we accepted three simple facts about life in the Body of Christ.

First, we all have blind spots.

John said if we think we’re without sin we’re deluded; (I John 1:8) David prayed that his hidden faults not overtake him; (Psalm 19:12) Paul said we’re limited by an ongoing struggle between flesh and spirit; (Galatians 5:17) James prescribed confessing our faults with the presumption we have them. (James 5:16) Clearly, then, we not only have our unique areas of weakness; we also have minimal ability to see them. Or, if we do recognize them, we can be prone to minimize them, rationalize them, pretty them up. Without input, we’ll miss what should be attended to.

Just last Sunday a friend I was conversing with in front of church noted that my fly was open. I didn’t like it. I was even briefly irritated at him for noticing, then I thanked him, zipped up, and kept talking. Nice sermon there. We’re all, in some ways or times, unzipped. We need the reminder, which requires being open to it, embarrassment notwithstanding. If I refuse to let trusted friends and allies point out my open fly, then I’ll deserve the loss of credibility and dignity that are likely to follow.

Second, when we see what another doesn’t, and it’s something they need to see, that’s our cue.

I was careless to walk around with an open fly; my friend would have also been careless if he didn’t point it out. So if I need to be called on my blind spots, then others need the same from me. Not in every little detail, of course, otherwise I’ll become a busybody or, worse yet, a Pharisee. But if something about a person is really bothering me, staying on my mind, rubbing me the wrong way, then it’s an awfully good bet that others feel the same way about that person. If none of us who feel that way are willing to speak up, aren’t we then becoming complicit in the very thing we say bothers us?

I remember back in 1979 shortly after the People’s Temple tragedy in Guyana, when Rev. Jim Jones led over 900 of his followers in a mass murder/suicide. Some of his former parishioners started coming forward saying, “We knew something was wrong .We used to go to his church, but we saw things that bothered us so we left, but we were afraid to say anything.”

And what sort of evil might have been prevented if they had? After nearly 60 years of living I honestly have more regret over things I didn’t say than things I did. Body ministry requires body function; body function calls for body parts to address the problems they recognize.

Third, feedback without respect and consideration is virtually useless; often destructive.

My friend simply said “Joe, your fly’s down.” He didn’t say, “Joe, what’s the matter with you?”, “Joe, you’re stupid”, or “Hey, everybody, look at Joe!” When our tone is critical, our attitude contemptuous, our words cutting, then our message, however true or needed, gets lost. And so should we.

If I first recognize my own blind spots, then I’m better able to appreciate how easy they are to miss, how quickly they can grow, how downright insidious they are. So when I point out to my brother that he’s unzipped, I won’t talk down to him. I’ll talk to him as an ally, and a friend who respects and values him. If that sort of attitude is beyond me, then I’d best shut up and pray, allowing someone more mature than me to do the speaking.

That’s my take on it, anyway. I know we need each other, and can always improve in the way we serve each other. Hope we do.

Have a great weekend. Thanks for being here.

Love,

Joe