Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me, and know my thoughts. -Psalm 139:23
My wife Renee and I were reading Psalm 139 a few years back when something in the New King James version caught my eye. I’ve known and cherished this Psalm for years and, being used to the Old King James, I knew verse 23 to say, “Try me and know my thoughts.”
But the New King James says, instead, “Try me and know my anxieties.”
That got my attention. “Know my anxieties”, rather than “Know my thoughts?” Surely someone goofed.
So I checked Strong’s Concordance and, sure enough, the Hebrew word for “thoughts” in this verse is ser-aph meaning, literally, “disquieting thoughts.”
Think about that: David said, “Search me, O God, and know my disquieting thoughts.” Puts these verses in a whole new light, doesn’t it?
Know not only my thoughts, Lord, but also my disquieting ones. You know the ones I mean – the stressors that keep me awake, inspire my nail biting, plunge me into meltdowns. Know the scary What-Ifs that my mind concocts, and that Satan whispers to me day after day while assuring me God neither knows nor cares about my worries. Know all of that, and either do something about it, or show me what You’d have me do.
And that’s a pretty good place to start. Living with the What-If’s in life is, for me, a never-ending challenge. My disquieting thoughts exist in direct proportion to the things and people I love, because, despite everything I’ve learned about God’s grace and provision, whenever I love someone deeply or treasure something I’ve been given, be it work, home, or financial security, I begin fearing I will lose it, or them.
In fact, most of the emotional meltdowns I’ve had weren’t caused by anything which actually happened, but rather by the cumulative effect of stressing out over what might happen. Disquieting thoughts can be as damaging as real catastrophes, because we can react to what may happen with nearly the same severity as we would over what does happen. What to do?
The Never-Wills
A high percentage of what we worry about concerns things that could happen, but never will. When Romeo’s dear friend Mercutio went babbling on about his dream of Queen Mab, Romeo offered a straightforward reality check we could all use:
“Thou talks of nothing!”
And so it is with most of our fears: we talk of nothing. We imagine then obsess over What-Ifs that never materialize, wasting precious energy and strength.
So I begin the process of God knowing my disquieting thoughts by asking Him to show me which ones are, in essence, unfounded. I’m pleasantly surprised to see how much of my stress is grounded in fears for which the word “unfounded” is blessedly accurate.
On that note, ask yourself this: How much of what you’ve really feared in life came to pass, and how much of it instead came to nothing? I think I know the answer.
The You-Go’s
Of course, some anxieties are over things undone that need to be done, or things that are possible but preventable. That’s when, in answer to our prayer for Him to show us how to deal with our disquieting thoughts, God directs us to action.
Those are the You-Go’s, and I have a long list of them. They are things I’m responsible for as a steward under God, and my stewardship requires that I roll up my sleeves, block out the time, and do the chores I’ve been putting off. When it comes to You-Go’s, my experience has been that God will not magically remove them. Rather, as He did with Israel conquering Canaan, He says “I will be with you” rather than “I’ll do it for you.”
Often the stress of not doing them reaches such critical mass that it becomes the final motivator for me to plan the time and get it done, rather than continue with the disquieting thoughts springing from procrastination. Life is so much simpler, and more peaceful, when the You-Go’s are attended to.
The Let-Go’s
Then there are the things that need to be done but that can’t be done by us. Or by any human, for that matter.
The loved one in sin whose heart needs to be softened; the dear friend whose disease is terminal; the financial need with no resolution in sight. These are the faith-builders God uses to enhance our confidence in Him, as we admit our inability to solve these problems and He confirms that inability, gives us permission to stop worrying about what we can’t fix, then rolls up His own sleeves and blows our minds.
That’s when the mind-blowers come by His miraculous intervention, or His miraculous empowering of us to endure situations we thought were unendurable. Ask any saint who’s lived long enough to rack up a lot of Let-Go’s and you’ll hear the same praise for God’s faithfulness to come through, one way or another, and never disappoint.
None of which should surprise me. After all, for the past 45 years, His faithfulness to me hasn’t wavered. What on earth makes me think He’ll change now?
So David’s prayer speaks some fresh comfort and encouragement to me. I’m tired of having meltdowns over the things I worry about, most of which never happen, some of which can be solved, and a few of which I can trust Him to handle without any help from me.
So today, Lord, as I face one disquieting thought after another, please override my anxieties and help me see the angels, eat the manna, walk on the water. Be the Lord of my moods, both the peaceful ones and the meltdowns, and purge me to become a more trusting, confident man before You. Since it’s impossible to please You without faith, let mine never waver, but always thrive. Amen.
Comments
Add Comment