You’ve Been Bad(ed)

Weird, isn’t it? You think you’ve got a good relationship, and suddenly you don’t. Worse, you’re also the bad guy, found guilty by a jury and sentenced by the Court, and you didn’t even know you were on trial.

Surprise! You were, and now you’ve been Baded.

That’s different than being Ghosted, which happens when someone vanishes from your life without explanation. But while Ghosting is usually about indifference, Bading is more about punishment, and passive punishment at that. When you’re Baded, someone doesn’t just bail on you. They also Bad you, pronouncing you Officially Bad without explanation.

Notice of your sentence doesn’t come quickly or clearly, but it comes. Your messages get blocked. Your texts aren’t returned. You leave voicemails in the Twilight Zone.

Finally, after you’ve knocked until your knuckles bleed, you’re coldly informed that you’ve done or said something which made someone uncomfortable, offended, appalled at your insensitivity, and needing to withdraw for their own health and safety.

“Wow. Can we talk about this?”
“Nope. Door’s closed. Depart from me, ye cursed.”

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Call it immaturity if you will, or gross entitlement, and you’re right on both counts. But I’d also call it the times. Armageddon and the mark of the Beast aren’t the only signs of the end, you know. Jesus also said in the last days love would grow cold. (Matthew 24:12) When that happens, Bading follows.

“Why’d You Bad Me?”

When someone wants affection and companionship, but isn’t willing to invest in the long-term give and take any healthy relationship requires, then he’ll Bad the other when things get rough. It’s a good excuse for bailing.

When someone doesn’t feel good about herself, and knows that when someone else gets close they may see the warts she’s so ashamed of, then she’ll Bad that person out of her life when authentic closeness is starting to happen. It’s a good excuse for hiding.

When someone isn’t sure he’s morally right, but chooses to ignore his own conscience, then he’ll Bad any friend or family member whose own life reminds him of the standards he’s trying to ignore. It’s a good excuse
for sinning.

That’s why lots of folks are breaking bad these days. Rather than work relationships through, they Bad someone when the relationship costs more than cuddles and laughs, moving on to someone else who’s good, until they, too, need to be Baded.

Please, Not Another “We’re All In This Together

During this miserable shutdown, we’re constantly hearing we’re in it together and how it’s teaching us the value of our relationships. OK, fine. Let’s take that lesson to heart, then, by calling Bading bad, very bad.

Let’s agree that it’s bad to find more power in being offended than in showing grace.

Let’s agree that insisting we’re victimized every time someone disagrees with us is likewise bad, and childish to boot.

Let’s agree that taking a second look at ourselves before we impose a death sentence on a relationship is worth the discomfort. We may be seeing sins where they don’t exist; we may be inflating them beyond reason; we may even be seeing our own sins on someone else. So let’s agree that keeping our bonds intact makes it worthwhile to consider those
inconvenient possibilities.

We’ve been shown grace, a fact which should make us all the more willing to show it. (Matthew 18:21-35) It pleases God when we do, and it’s in our own interest as well because, you’ll recall, He warned about this sort of thing:

“Bad not, that ye be not Baded. For with whatever measure you Bad others, you yourself will be Baded.”

‘Nuff said.

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