Gay affirming folks might answer, “Of course! Where there’s love, there cannot be sin.” Non-affirming believers might say, “Of course not! Where there’s sin, there cannot be love.”
Is this a debate worth having?
Sure it is. Falling on the wrong side of it derailed my life 48 years ago, and it’s still derailing others.
When I left the Church to embrace homosexuality in 1978, a gay novel titled “The Lord Won’t Mind” was already a best seller. I picked it up and devoured its arguments, especially one made by a straight woman in the story who reassures a young gay couple that, “If it’s love, the Lord won’t mind.”
I clung to that error like a drowning man to a raft.
But some Christians also errored when, that same year, they learned I had begun a relationship with a man I’d fallen deeply in love with. “You don’t really love him!” they’d scold. “It’s just sick lust, not love.”
That made it easy for me to disregard everything else they had to say, because I knew what I felt. They didn’t, and by presuming they did, they lost credibility with me. So my heart, already hardened towards God, now became hardened towards Christians as well.
Six dark years of backslidden deception would follow, until my repentance in
1984.
All these decades later, the “Love is Love” slogan has replaced “The Lord won’t mind.” But the sentiment and the controversy are the same. Arguments over the possibility of gay love really being love, and whether love justifies a relationship, are as heated as ever. So let’s settle this.
THE FINAL ARBITER
We can start by getting our terms right.
Since the Scriptures are both inspired by God and profitable for instruction in righteousness (II Timothy 3:16) then Biblical definitions of love and sin equip us to use the right terms, then define them properly as we do. With that in mind, let’s see what the Bible has to say about love, sin, and the possibility of them co-existing.
What the Word says about “Sin” is straightforward – “to miss the mark.” Any speech, thought, or action falling short of God’s will qualifies as sin, which Paul declares we’re all guilty of. (Romans 3:23)
Does homosexuality miss the mark, thereby qualifying as sin?
Five condemnations of it (Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13; Romans 1:26-27; I Corinthians 6:9; I Timothy 1:10) along with Christ’s description of what God intended for the marital union (Matthew 19:4-5) answer that plainly.
(For a discussion of the pro-gay interpretation of these scriptures see link in first comment below)
So homosexuality joins adultery, prostitution, fornication, incest and polygamy as sexual behaviors that are Biblically condemned. That answers the sin question.
NOW THINGS HEAT UP
That’s easy enough, so far. But the love question gets dicier.
Assuming a relationship is sinful, can the people in it – whether it involves sex before marriage, an adulterous affair, or a same-sex relationship – really love each other?
They can, because the New Testament uses a number of different words, meaning different things, when it refers to love. Two that are especially relevant are the words “Phileo” (affectionate love) and “Agape.” (Divine love) Let’s look at each.
I “PHILEO” YOU AFFECTIONATELY
Throughout the New Testament, “phileo” is translated “love” when referring to affection, kindness, friendship, or deep attachment to a person or thing.
It can mean affection that isn’t inherently wrong but becomes sin when it overrides love for Christ. (As in Matthew 10:37, where Jesus warns not to “phileo” anything, not even your parents, more than your Lord)
It can also mean affection that looks nice but is false. In Luke 22:24, “phileo” is translated “kiss” when Judas greets Jesus in the garden. (Did you know that? Until looking this up, I didn’t.)
Or it can mean affection for the wrong thing, like the love of the Pharisees for attention (Matthew 6:5) or the love of the damned for a lie.
(Revelation 22:15)
Knowing that, it’s easy to see how two people in a wrong relationship can, in fact, love each other with phileo. Scripture bears this out, as does human
history.
King Solomon, who loved foreign wives in direct violation of God’s commandment, (I Kings 11:1-13) is a case in point. He’d been warned that emotional ties with these women would cause him to follow other gods.
(vs. 2)
And you know the rest. It was love, and it led to a king’s downfall.
Then there’s my favorite actor Spencer Tracy, who had a longtime affair with the actress Katherine Hepburn, a romance that remains the stuff of Hollywood legends.
Tracy was already married, making the relationship adulterous. Yet by all accounts, the two loved each other and were, in fact, deeply committed. It was love, and it was adultery. The one did not cancel out the other.
“Love is love,” we hear so often. No argument there. I knew many gay couples who’d been together for decades, with a love that was undeniable.
But that’s the problem. Love directed to the wrong person, in the wrong way, is supposed to be denied. When it takes us outside of what our Creator intended, though the feeling may be good, the end will not.
I AGAPE YOU DIVINELY
“Agape” is the Greek word reserved for God’s divine love, that highest form of love expressed by Him to us, or from us to others.
It references God’s love causing Him to give His only son (John 3:16); the love Jesus commands His followers to show each other (John 13:34); and the love husbands should have for their wives. (Colossians 3:19)
Can such divine love exist in a same-sex relationship? A fresh look at I Corinthians 13, in which the term “agape” is featured, sheds some light here.
This famous “love chapter” specifies what agape is and is not, giving clear guidance when determining if love within a sexual relationship outside God’s will can really be the “agape” kind.
“Love rejoices not in iniquity,” verse 6 tells us.
The Greek word for “iniquity” is also translated as “unrighteousness” in other verses. (Romans 6:13, II Corinthians 12:13, II Timothy 2:19)
If a relationship includes the ongoing practice of unrighteousness, then by definition it cannot also include agape.
“… but rejoices in truth” verse 6 continues. Granted, people in a wrong relationship can rejoice in each other But if a homosexual relationship is Biblically declared sinful (see verses above) then attempts to call it righteous must be founded on the untruth, whether or not the untruth is realized.
Indeed, homosexuality itself, according to Romans 1, is a symptom of the rejection of truth. (Romans 1:25) So truth rejected can hardly be truth
celebrated.
Nor can love want anything less than what’s best for its object. So if I “agape” you, then according to Romans 13:10, I want what is in your best interest.
If homosexuality takes you outside God’s will, then if what I have for you is His love, rather than just my affection, I will want you within His will.
Because that is, in the end, the safest and most fruitful place to be. Agape wants that for any loved one.
LOVE MAKES THE DARKNESS LIGHT?
When we argue that there’s no love in a gay relationship, it’s similar to the argument that homosexual people, because of their identity and behavior, have no likability or worthwhile qualities. That’s not only arrogant; it’s
inaccurate.
I’ve often said, in fact, that if likability got folks into heaven, plenty of gay and lesbian people would be first in line. But just as a person’s likableness doesn’t sanctify his actions, so a couple’s love cannot sanctify their relationship. That prerogative is God’s alone.
That’s a vital point in today’s discussions, because we often hear it said that Scripture never condemns a loving same-sex relationship.
Technically, that’s rue.. Leviticus 18:22, for example, does not say, “Thou shalt not lovingly lie with a man as with a woman.” It just forbids the act, with no contingencies.
Likewise, the Bible never condemns a loving adulterous relationship, nor a loving polygamous relationship, nor a loving relationship that includes
fornication.
All these relations are condemned, whether acted out in the context of love, a commercial transaction, or a quick hook up. That’s because the context of the act, loving or not, cannot sanctify it.
So yes – gay love can be love, actually. And that love, though neither godly nor agape, can be strong.
But never strong enough to legitimize what God did not intend, has always condemned, and cannot celebrate as He did when looking on the union of our first parents in Eden, with that divine approval expressed in Genesis
1:31:
“And God saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.”
To better understand pro-gay theological arguments,
please check my book “The Gay Gospel?”
Available on Amazon. Click HERE for more info
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